Upside Down Cats

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What a difference a year makes - #20

2009: Under normal circumstances, I am an optimistic and motivated person. My overall enthusiasm suffered last year, however, as I struggled to just make it from one day to the next. I felt beaten down every day and it seemed no matter what I did, I couldn't catch a break.

On every front, fate was conspiring against me - at least that's how it seemed. After a while it became difficult to get excited about anything because I was so convinced that it would only result in more disappointment. It felt like the black cloud would never pass. In fact, it felt like the part of me who could try had died.

2010: This year has been much easier on my motivation. I try and sometimes I win. I make an effort and it doesn't fall apart. In short, the black cloud at long last has passed. My enthusiasm has returned because it finally seems worth taking the risk.

Overall outlook is such an important aspect to living a life rather than just existing. I feel so blessed to have my hopeful, optimistic self back. I missed me.

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What a difference a year makes - #19

2009: I forgot what spontaneous smiling felt like. Apparently, my face reflected my inner angst. What was there to smile about most of the year anyway? There were the occasional times when I forced a smile and probably a few real ones here and there but for the most part, my smile was nowhere to be found.

2010: I find myself smiling - for no apparent reason. Just smiling.

My face is reflecting my emotional state and this time it's good. I never noticed a simple thing like my smile before - the way it feels when it just happens because you're...happy. I'm not sure I missed my smile when it was lost but now that if's returned, I realize how much I missed my happiness being on auto-pilot.

Welcome back, happy face!

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What a difference a year makes - #18

2009: Scott and I both worked at home. He could work anywhere in the house, as long as he had his trusty headphones at the ready when the day care noise got to be more than he could work through. It's a good thing he likes to work to music!

I worked in the lower level with the day care children. Even though we were under the same roof all day long, our paths didn't cross all that often because our work was so completely different.

2010: This year, Scott and I still both work at home but we are both web workers. Our work life revolves around our computers so it is common for us to be doing our individual jobs while sitting in the same room. He still wears his headphones occasionally but I think it's because he likes to work to music and not to drown me out! It's kind of like really small scale co-working.

People often ask us if we get tired of always being together. The answer is a definitive "No." What we get tired of is always being in the same location. As we continue to be web workers, we know that we need to take greater advantage of our freedom of location and actually leave the property once in a while. What good is freedom if you never exercise it?

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What a difference a year makes - #17

2009: Technology and I were on a "need to know basis." Seriously, if it wasn't something I wanted or needed to know how to do on the computer or on the Internet, I wasn't interested in clogging up my brain with the clutter. I found no intrinsic joy in knowing about "technology stuff" just to know it. l had limited need and even more limited interest.

2010: OMG! I actually write about technology for several clients! Now, before you consider me a fraud, let me explain the benefit of not being a technophile for these particular assignments. What I bring to these writing projects is my "fresh eyes." I offer my easy way with words combined solid research skills to present information clearly to other non-technophiles. It's a valid skill and I find that it is becoming a niche for me.

A pleasant byproduct of writing about technology is that I have actually developed a deeper level of comfort with it. It makes for interesting technology-themed conversations with Scott, heretofore not one of our usual topics. I find I even have opinions and interesting ideas about technology topics from time to time. A new world has opened up to me; it feels good to be learning new things and to apply them in a real way in the real world.

2010 has brought me a long way in technology, which in turn has enhanced my writing career and self-confidence.

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What a difference a year makes - #16

2009: Holidays. Let's just say that when the rest of the year sucks, the holidays are nothing to look forward to. All the activity and special activities and happiness that others were anticipating and enjoying was not happening for us. In fact, holiday cheer simply reminded us of the cheer we were not experiencing. It wasn't the "stuff" of the holidays we missed out on - it was the connections to people - the joy.

2010: Generally speaking, that feeling of constant misery has left the building this year. Life - and along with it my attitude - is on an upswing. I look forward to experiencing some of that holiday joy this year. I'm definitely in a place where I feel I can receive it - and hopefully give some as well.

Rather than sounding like empty words, "Happy Holidays" will hold some meaning for me this year.

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What a difference a year makes - #15

2009: My work style...hmmm... I worked Monday through Friday (as needed) and was available 7:00 AM until 6:00 PM (as needed). When I had daycare children to watch, I worked. When I didn't have children, I didn't work. Well, except for the peripheral work of cleaning and shopping - the things that were necessary for work but that I couldn't do during work hours.

Even though I was self-employed, there was a lot of my workday that I had no control over. Work was work and off-hours were off-hours.

2010: My new work style is much more free-form. I can work whenever I want and pretty much wherever I want - thanks to the miracle of portable electronics.

I've discovered that there's a whole world out there in the middle of the day in the middle of the week! I guess I've always suspected there was such a thing but I've never experienced it for myself! So much freedom - such a big world out there - and I could be a part of it!

I still rarely leave the house - but at least I know I can if I want to! I can sleep late or stay up late or run errands or do counted cross stitch... w-h-e-n-e-v-e-r I want, as long as my work gets done. I love the fact that I can work at the times of day when my brain concentrates best and not have to trudge through the times when my energy and focus are low - most of the time. Deadlines don't care if I feel sluggish, though, so I know I can't take this freedom too lightly. There's a balance and I will find it and thrive within it.

2010 has presented yet another challenge for me: to seize my days and make them work for me with a whole lot more control.

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What a difference a year makes - #14

2009: I thought I was frugal. Then came "The year of living frugally." I remember breaking into tears standing in the grocery store because bagels were $4.00 for six. At that point, $4.00 represented a bigger part of our grocery budget than I wanted to spend on bagels.

Realizing that there had to be a cheaper place to buy bagels (and other things) we searched for alternative bagel sources and discovered a Wonder outlet store where bagels were more affordable.

2010: It was not the way I would have chosen to learn the lesson, but even as frugal as I was, I could have been moreso, Necessity taught us where to get what we needed for less. We found ways to stretch those dollars even more.

It's a new year and the tide is turning for us. We have learned from our difficulties, though, and continue shopping as frugally as possible. We discovered that we can get the same things for less - so why not spend less?

At least so good frugal habits were born from adversity. It would have been even worse had we not learned a thing or two.

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What a difference a year makes - #13

2009: As my clientele dwindled throughout the year, I found my interest in and passion for child care business dwindling as well. Perhaps it had to do with feeling less necessary in the lives of working parents and the children I helped them raise. After all, how many clients do you have to lose (whatever the reason) to lead you to the conclusion that, well, your services aren't needed? On top of everything else, 2009 was definitely the year of feeling unneeded.

As a motivation for work, feeling unneeded is low on the list. It made me feel generally unimportant, which led to dissatisfaction with my work. Not that I derived the sum total of my emotional well-being from my work but it is difficult to have a positive outlook when your life's work fails to bring you satisfaction.

2010: Yay for deriving satisfaction from my work again! My new venture as a writer is constantly challenging. I experience great satisfaction as I continually meet and/or learn from those challenges.

I feel like I have something to offer to the world once again. It's satisfying to build a business doing what I love to do. It's also satisfying to feel I have a measure of control over the destiny of my career. A little satisfying work goes a long way toward turning a 2009 into a 2010!

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What a difference a year makes - #12

2009: One of the most frustrating and heartbreaking things about being in the situation we were in last year is the fact that we couldn't help ourselves, let alone anyone else. We felt we had nothing to give and that wore on us as much if not more than being in the dire straits in which we found ourselves.

We had no money, no energy, no resources upon which to draw. We were strictly in "survival mode" as we struggled to keep ourselves from falling apart.

2010: A lot has happened, as I've been recounting here on a daily basis, since 2009. So much of our life is better that we are actually feeling like we have something to give again. I couldn't be more thrilled about that!

The perfect opportunity to be of help came up a few weeks ago. My brother, who lived with Mom, is feeling lonely since she passed away in March. When I found out he was feeling the loss particularly profoundly, my first instinct was, "What can I do?" I broke down and cried for a while, feeling utterly helpless to ease his pain. It seemed like such a big problem and I'm 1000 miles away. What could I possibly do? Then I realized, I am not helpless. I can do some things that will help him.

I resigned then and there to stay in super-close contact with him, even though that means actually w-r-i-t-i-n-g letters to him because he does not use a computer. Another thing I can do is bake cookies for him. I have enrolled him in the "Cookie of the Month Club" which means I bake and mail him Toll House Cookies every month - using Mom's special recipe, of course. Both of these activities keeps us close and provides a much-needed "I'm thinking of you" for him. It does us both a world of good.

I realize I'm not saving the world but I am easing my big bro's pain - I am honored to be able to do that. It gives my days more meaning to impact his life. Being able to help is one more step toward recapturing the life we'd lost.

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What a difference a year makes - #10

2009: Beemer is our kitty who would be happiest if she were an "only child." She loves her people just fine but she's never been at ease around her fellow felines. But as uncomfortable as other kitties make Beemer, the daycare children turned our Bee into a hermit. She decided many years ago that she would prefer to spend her days upstairs on our bed rather than take the chance she would encounter the children or her kitty-siblings. So for the 14 years that daycare children were here, nobody saw much of Bee during the day. Hours and hours would go by and there would be no sign of Beemer.

Then, the moment she heard the silence she associated with a certain "lack of children" she would come slinking down the stairs to grab a lovely meal and take a potty break. If she was having a very lucky day, she wouldn't come across any cats on her expedition either.

2010: There are no daycare children around anymore and Beemer couldn't be happier. She comes around to visit and be friendly all day. It's like she's a whole new cat with a whole new attitude. I think she's busy, however, hatching a scheme to get rid of the other cats - then her life will be perfection.

2010 is not just different than 2009 for me - Beemer is feeling it too.