Upside Down Cats

I write not only to express my feelings but to make sense of them in the first place - my own personal form of “cognitive therapy.” I am especially glad for my blog today for providing me the outlet to express what I’m feeling on an occasion I’d rather not acknowledge.

My mom passed away one year ago today. The first feeling that fact elicits is annoyance at myself for how easily I remember this date and not the hundreds of others of far greater significance to my relationship with Mom. In truth, I don’t want to remember today - the anniversary of the last day of her life. When I remember Mom, I want to remember all those days that far preceded that day - that day where her weak and frail body accepted and surrendered to death. I want to remember Mom as a robust woman, full of life and seemingly boundless energy (at least until about 7:30 each evening when she would fall asleep in her chair reading the newspaper).

Continue reading "Reflection: One Year Later" »

Wondering what NaBloPoMo is? Read this to learn all about it and why (and how) I'm participating!

What a difference a  year makes - #7

2009: Until June I had the best kitty-friend of my life. Abbey came to us as a too-big-eared kitten two days after we moved into our house - officially making it home. She came as part of a duo with her best friend, Penny. That was back in 1994. She nuzzled her furry and ample white-bellied wonderfulness into our hearts for fifteen delightful years. Through every one of those fifteen Abbey-ful years, she filled our home with a calm warmth that blossomed with our attachment to her and hers to us.

Abbey and I shared a very close relationship. She was incredibly intuitive and knew exactly when Mama Gina needed her some Abbey. I've written about Abbey and me many times before so it's really no surprise to many people that losing her was one of the most significant losses of my life.

And it happened in 2009, of course.

2010: I still miss Abbey more than I can (or care to) express. There's a humongous hole in my heart - in my life - that remains empty.

That being said, 2010 has brought me a different kitty relationship with our little man Cooper. He has begun to pay special attention to his Mama Gina. Where Abbey and I were friends, Cooper and I are more like mom and son. He is such a little clown - he makes me laugh every day. Oh, and he's absolutely addicted to his cat treats, which we call "candy." Not a night goes by that he doesn't sleep on me. He brings things to us from around the house (socks, stuffed animals, shoes, bathrobe ties...) in what I call his attempt to help provide for our "pride." Yup, he's our little family guy.

2010 has brought more kitty love into my life. Rather than look at it as having less because of the loss of Abbey, I am trying to look at it as having more because now I have Cooper's love in addition to having had Abbey's.

Thank goodness for kitty love.

Wondering what NaBloPoMo is? Read this to learn all about it and why (and how) I'm participating!

What a difference a  year makes - #2

2009: I had an elderly but still spunky and relatively healthy mom. I called her as often as we were both comfortable with. We discussed the family, the weather and my work (or sometimes the lack of it).

It was a comfortable relationship - at last. We'd had our share of being too close for comfort and complete estrangement. Neither of those extremes ever felt right. It turned out that we did our best mothering and daughtering from a distance, interspersed with some pleasant visits across the miles.

The highlight of 2009 was in August when I got to join the family at Mom's 90th birthday party. It was uplifting to celebrate her life and reminisce. That experience seemed to put a lot of "Mom and Me" into perspective.

2010: In March, I lost my mom. I had the chance to say goodbye (but mercifully not knowing at the time that it really was goodbye) a couple weeks before she passed away. She was not the type to complain about her health but I could tell she was not doing well. I got to put on my brave voice from my end of the phone and she got to put on hers from her end. I know in my heart that she decided it was time to die - and she did. Yes, she did.

What 2010 has brought me, though, instead of grief, is renewal. I realize that Mom was ready to go and while I miss those phone conversations, I am left with memories that sustain that relationship within me and always will.

Mom's passing created an opportunity for me to reconnect (or connect for the first time) with family I'd never had the chance to spend time with. I am enjoying newly forged relationships with my sisters, my brother, my nieces and nephews. In the span of a few days spent with them as we laid Mom to rest, this whole new sense of family sprang forth within me. Then and now my family is a source of connection to Mom and to my past - and a bridge to my future. I've developed a new and deeper understanding of the things that are really important in a family - and made some true friends of these remarkable people.

From loss I have found more than I ever imagined.

Today would have been my mom's 91st birthday. She passed away back in March and today I'm thinking that this is the first time in my life that I haven't been able to wish her a happy day and remind her to spend it celebrating herself. I'll have to celebrate her myself with my memories and by taking some time to reflect on her legacy in my life.

The way I'm going to celebrate Mom's birthday is by writing about the last time I visited her which, aptly, was at the big birthday bash my family held for her last August on the occasion of her 90th birthday. It was a party I very nearly missed... Continue reading "The Counting Skunks Tour 2009" »

When my mom passed away this past Spring, I had the opportunity to spend some precious time with family, rediscovering some family treasures.

Among the treasures I unearthed was a photo I remembered fondly yet was certain I'd never see again. Oh, how I squealed with delight when my eyes fell upon it once again!

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you for the first time in over forty years, the Fred and Ginger of the wedding circuit...

(Cue Rock and Roll Part II)

Mr Jim and Miss Gina!

This is my daddy and me, dancing at my sister Linda's wedding. It's a heartfelt memory, a treasured photo and now a long-lost friend, returned to my life once again.

This picture depicts Dad's and my relationship perfectly - I always felt like his little buddy. He always had time for me and he always made me feel special. Could a little girl feel more special than being all dressed up and dancing with her dad at a fancy hall with a live band? Well, I can tell you this little girl couldn't have!

I have previously written in detail about Dad and me - complete with pictures - but this is the only one you ever really need to see to understand what we were all about.

I share this photo today in honor of Father's Day. Dad passed away in 1997, so even though I no longer can wish him a Happy Father's Day, my heart is warmed today and every day by the memories of him that I carrry with me.

My mom passed away this year on March 17.

No tribute I could write today could capture what I was inspired to compose a couple days later in the funeral home's online guestbook. It poured out of my fingers, straight from my heart. In my mom's honor, I share it with you today:

It is an extraordinary honor to have been born your daughter. By your example, you taught me that women are smart and strong and resourceful. By your example, you taught me that life is a precious gift full of joy and purpose: That it is as important to know how to enjoy life as it is to work hard and utilize my talents. These lessons have served me well throughout my life.

Most importantly, by your example, you taught me the essence of "home." Home is where you are accepted for the individual you are, warmly nurtured and endowed with the freedom to grow into the fullness of your potential. Because I know "home," I can venture forth to create and find that feeling of home in my own life.

Thank you, Mom, for these examples which guide me. They provide a constant source of conviction and direction in my life. These are the qualities I seek to share in the world myself. Through me and those whose lives I touch, your examples will live on forever - as will you in my heart.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom. I Wish I Could Tell You In Person...

With the holidays fast approaching, Scott and I have again turned our thoughts to gifts for the family. Holiday shopping can be stressful, tedious, and time consuming - not to mention expensive. But believe me, gift-giving doesn't have to be unpleasant.

When it comes to gifts, it really is the thought that counts. No one in our circle of family and friends - fortunately - is relying on our gift to fulfill any need - or want - for that matter. In the true spirit of a gift, then, we are free to give of ourselves. It has become our tradition to give non-traditional gifts by thinking "outside the box."

For us, gift-giving is a joy rather than a pain in the neck and pocketbook because each year we challenge ourselves to be thoughtful, creative and budget-conscious. We are always proud of the gifts we give and we feel that the recipients are even more appreciative for the care and thought we put into them. Our approach also alleviates the "obligatory" factor of gifting, because our gifts come from the heart and not from the mall.

Let me share some of our previous gift ideas to illustrate what I mean by "thinking outside the box."

• One year, two family members were diagnosed with diabetes. The subject of health was on our minds, so we made a donation to the Juvenile Diabetes Foundation on behalf of each recipient.
  


• When we noticed that our growing nieces and nephews were leading such independent lives, we thought it would be nice to give the whole family a reason to spend some time together. We created a Family Movie Night basket which included a DVD (The Princess Bride was our excellent choice), homemade flavored popcorn and several blanket throws.
  


• Then there was Couple's Game Night where we host a night away from the kids each month at our house to play games, enjoy snacks and visit with each other as adults.
  


• Last year we offered "Aunt and Uncle Day" where we invited the nieces and nephews over to our house (two at a time) for some age-appropriate fun with us, including yoga and spa day for the girls, cooking/guitar lessons and crafts for the boys. It was all about making memories.

Each of these ideas was targeted at the current circumstances and priorities of those we were gifting. Getting to the essence of the recipient is the key to coming up with a great, personalized gift idea. Once you have the "a-ha" moment, you just need to flesh out the concept, making the completed gift as simple or as detailed as you can afford in time, effort and cost.

Brainstorming ideas for people on the gift list creates a wonderful opportunity for teaching children about giving. What a great chance for them to think of others at a time of year that can so often become all about "things." As a bonus, the creation and presentation of the gift can become a satisfying family project incorporating everyone's ideas and talents.

Scott and I want gift-giving to be a meaningful experience, for ourselves and for those to whom we give. We accomplish that by giving a piece of ourselves. One size fits all.

If I were in therapy right now the theme of my sessions would center around the issue of being - or at least feeling - insignificant. It's a touchy subject for me and I'll tell you why...

I am the youngest of seven children in my family - born 12 years after my youngest sister and 21 years after my oldest. I was born into a house full of adults with adult needs, issues and concerns. Once I ceased being the cute little novelty baby, I graduated into a kid with kid needs, issues and concerns. There wasn't a lot of energy spent doting on my emotional needs because that adult life buzzed incessantly throughout the house. While love abounded, patience for trivial matters was slim. It was made clear to me that my emotions were of the "childish" type and simply didn't carry as much weight as those of the adults. No one intended to belittle me with this attitude - it's just the way things worked in my big, busy family.

Continue reading "Shedding My Invisibility Cloak" »

I'm baaaaack with another What's Cookin'?! I have missed having the time to do this each week - has anyone missed me? Hopefully now I can begin doing this on a weekly basis again. What exactly is 'this' you ask?... Well, 'this' is where I share with the world the meals I've planned in advance to cook here in my kitchen during the upcoming week. So, here we go after a far too long absence...

 

Cheesy Sausage & Potato Soup & Homemade Bread

Italian Macaroni & Cheese & Spring Mix Salad

Lamb Shoulder Chops, Rice Pilaf & Mixed Vegetable Medley

Caribbean Shrimp Salad & Homemade Bread

Balsamic-Glazed Chicken Thighs, Rotini Tossed w/ Olive Oil & Garlic & Oven Roasted Broccoli

Italian Sausage & Ground Chicken Burgers w/ Provolone on Garlic-Toasted Rolls, French Fries & Marinated Vegetable Salad

Sausage, Egg & Cheese Bagel Sandwiches & Hash Brown Potatoes

 

MMMMM, as I am writing this, that aforementioned Homemade Bread is baking, creating one of the top five best aromas on Earth...And it looks almost as good as it smells. Is it dinner time yet?