Entries by Gina

I write not only to express my feelings but to make sense of them in the first place - my own personal form of “cognitive therapy.” I am especially glad for my blog today for providing me the outlet to express what I’m feeling on an occasion I’d rather not acknowledge.

My mom passed away one year ago today. The first feeling that fact elicits is annoyance at myself for how easily I remember this date and not the hundreds of others of far greater significance to my relationship with Mom. In truth, I don’t want to remember today - the anniversary of the last day of her life. When I remember Mom, I want to remember all those days that far preceded that day - that day where her weak and frail body accepted and surrendered to death. I want to remember Mom as a robust woman, full of life and seemingly boundless energy (at least until about 7:30 each evening when she would fall asleep in her chair reading the newspaper).

Continue reading "Reflection: One Year Later" »

It's Valentine's Day - the day we celebrate LOVE in all its many forms: Romantic Love, True Love, First Love, Endless Love, Brotherly Love, Puppy Love, Jungle Love, Courtney Love, Muskrat Love...you get the point.

It occurs to me that as happy an occasion as Valentine's Day is, that it is yet another example of our propensity to place those higher aspirations we as humans possess in a box which we parade out only once a year to great fanfare. This makes me a bit sad because this is the good stuff and should be used - or at least displayed - every day of the year.

I want to encourage us to stop thinking of LOVE as the good china - go ahead and use it every day. Instead of taking it for granted, I guarantee it will make every day feel more special. Love doesn't need a special occasion to be shown and cherished. Love doesn't have to be demonstrated with trinkets and chocolate and flowers and canoodling - not that I have anything against any of those (especially the canoodling). Continue reading "My Valentine to the World" »

In August of 2009, I had the privilege of attending my mom's 90th birthday party. As well as being a beautiful celebration of the life of an amazing woman, it was a remarkable family reunion.

A number of years previously, due to my personal circumstances at the time, I had made the difficult decision to separate from my family. As a result of that estrangement, I hadn't seen many of my siblings for years. In the interim, they had raised their families and I made some significant and positive changes in my life. By 1997, shortly before Dad passed away, I had reconnected with my family. Still, while I felt like I was again a part of the family, a lot of years had passed and in many ways we had a lot of "reacquainting" to do.

During Mom's party I had the opportunity to talk to my sister Peg about our shared love of cooking and commitment to childhood nutrition. It was absolutely heartwarming to have that touch point with her - a real family connection!

As we were leaving the church hospitality center where the party had been held, Peg mentioned out of the blue, "Gina, I still have your Easy Bake oven in my attic. Would you like it?" "Oh my gosh...really?" I replied with an immediate emotional catch in my voice. "I'd LOVE it!"

I looked over at Scott and even he was beaming, being well acquainted with the sentimental fool he married. Peg promised to send it to me when they returned home to New Jersey.

I'll step back and explain the history of my "kid stuff" so you'll understand just why this reacquisition was so significant to me. As I've written about previously, I am the youngest of our brood by a good many years - 12 to be exact. All my siblings were long done with their toys by the time I came along  so most of what I had as playthings were mine and not hand-me-downs. As years went by and my sisters began having children of their own, some of my toys were sent their way for their children. For the most part, however, my toys were still around the family homestead when we moved to Colorado when I was thirteen.

Even in the upheaval of moving, I was able to bring along what I thought at the time were my treasures from childhood. My Barbies, Disney records and books, View Masters, favorite dolls, Dorothy, Tommy and Kissy...they came along in the move, softening the blow of leaving everything I'd ever known behind. But my Easy Bake oven... it did not come with us. I don't consciously remember leaving it behind, so I can only assume it was given to a niece before the move. But I did love that mini appliance and I baked many a flat round cake in it.

Continue reading "The Prodigal Easy Bake Oven" »

Every year at this holiday time, I am reminded of the times in the past when I had the opportunity to talk with my older daycare children about Santa Claus. Usually the conversations occurred after they had already "found out the truth" and they honestly didn't know how to process the information or how to "fake it" around the little "still believers." Some kids have a hard time coming to terms with the truth - it completely blindsides them. In my own case, I came to a gradual awareness of the truth (followed by a year of denial, followed by a year of flat-out pretending I still believed because I was unsure about the alternative to believing). Suffice it to say, the truth about Santa did not blindside me.

In perpetuating the whole Santa story, first, we lie to them, then we ask them to lie with us. That's a heavy burden for those so young to reckon with. I always tried to console their feelings of betrayal by explaining that Santa was conjured up as a personification of all the good qualities that we as humans admire and long for in our lives: generosity, joy, justice (the good are rewarded and the bad get, well, coal in their proverbial stocking). These are traits we value most and which our hearts desire. We want to instill those noble traits in children and what better way than by having a jolly, bigger-than-life character demonstrate them once a year.

This is the point in this personal reflection where I can't help but pause and wonder...How ironic that we created a fictional character to embody the qualities that those who celebrate the birth of Christ at Christmas attribute to him. Makes this philosophical person wonder about the whole "God" thing... Continue reading "God vs Santa: Who Wins the Hearts of Humanity?" »

Wondering what NaBloPoMo is? Read this to learn all about it and why (and how) I'm participating!

What a difference a year makes - #29

2009: The year was...challenging to say the least. I think I've sufficiently expressed the many ways in which it was the worst year we've experienced through my daily NaBloPoMo "snapshots." Today is the final day of NaBloPoMo - time to put this exercise in contrast - and the memories of a really rotten year - behind me.

It's been cathartic putting a difficult year into words. Hopefully I've conveyed not only the depths of our despair but how it's the little things that day by day are changing to make 2010 a better year.

2010: I am acutely aware that we are not the only ones who have had a bad year, are having a bad year or will have a bad year. It unfortunately happens to everyone.

All I can do as a survivor of One Miserable Mother of a Year is offer some encouragement to others: It will end. Things will turn around. Maybe not soon or as quickly as you want or even the way that you hope. But they will get better.

Sometimes it's a matter of really looking hard (under every rock falling from the sky onto your head) for things to improve - but YES, things WILL get better. And someday in the future, you'll be able to look back from better circumstances, smiling for no apparent reason - and think to yourself:

What a difference a year makes.

Wondering what NaBloPoMo is? Read this to learn all about it and why (and how) I'm participating!

What a difference a year makes - #28

2009: There is no way I would have thought I could write an eBook. I don't think I would even have had the courage to take on such a project.

Inconceivable.

2010: As of today, I am an eBook author. I submitted the copy to my client this afternoon.

Unbelievable.

Wondering what NaBloPoMo is? Read this to learn all about it and why (and how) I'm participating!

What a difference a year makes - #27

The following is an homage to my NaBloPoMo'09 challenge: 30 haikus for 30 days.

2009:

Hopeless. Nothing's right.
Gray clouds follow every step.
Neverending grief.

2010:

Hope is born again.
Smiling face feels free and light.
Creativity!

Wondering what NaBloPoMo is? Read this to learn all about it and why (and how) I'm participating!

What a difference a year makes - #26

2009: I was worried. I was anxious. I was scared. I was sad. I was angry. I was stifled. I was uncertain. I was emotionally numb. I was lost. 

I was not me.

2010: I am calm. I am peaceful. I am secure. I am happy. I am free. I am creative.I am confident. I am in touch with my emotions. I am precisely where I should be.

I am me.

Wondering what NaBloPoMo is? Read this to learn all about it and why (and how) I'm participating!

What a difference a year makes - #25

2009: Any spare change was far from "spare." Last year, we wouldn't think of taking a pocketful of change for granted. Every last cent was carefully counted out so that we could scrape together enough to buy a gallon of milk or a few gallons of gas. It was strictly down to the last penny for everything.

Our financial crunch happened so suddenly that before we knew it, we had no reserves, no backup and no Plan B. We went from having some money to having no money. Frankly, it was a difficult adjustment to make - but one that we had to live with until we could dig our way out.

2010: Scott was so happy to put a handful of change into the piggy bank last week. Imagine, we thought, how nice it was to have 68 cents to consider "spare" again. It is such a small thing but one that really made an impact on us - reminding us not only how bad times were but how far we've come since.

The lessons we learned from 2009 will not easily be forgotten. They changed us forever. We'll never fail to take notice of even the small victories - because, under different circumstances, they might not be so small.

Wondering what NaBloPoMo is? Read this to learn all about it and why (and how) I'm participating!

What a difference a year makes - #24

2009: I was thrilled each and every day to be in love with and loved by my Sweetie, Scott. Although we were going through the most awful of years, our love remained strong and unwavering. No matter what went wrong on the exterior of our life, we could always count on our love being there, without question and without fall. That love saw us through the darkness of 2009.

2010: The only difference this year is that instead of hard times, we now share hopeful times. Our love remains the heartbeat of both our lives. That heartbeat keeps beating no matter what - if we didn't know it then, we sure do know it now!

Some things are not that different this year after all.

Because it's Thanksgiving, I want the world to know that I am so very thankful for my Sweetie, today and tomorrow, last year and this.