My extremely internet-savvy husband found a great blog (e-i-e-i-o)...
But seriously, folks, Scott describes it on his blog as "Commentary by Michael Wade on Leadership, Ethics, Management, and Life."
I clicked over to Michael Wade's blog and found some very inspirational words that I need to take to heart. It begins, "If fear is driven by a lack - or perceived lack - of control, then what can be done to hold or regain control? Here are some strategies:" Read his entire list titled Gaining Control.
Most of the anxieties I've experienced throughout my life have been caused by exactly that "lack - or perceived lack - of control" of which he speaks.
The strategy that really speaks to me is #11 "Shun perfectionism. It is the enemy of reasonable control." I'm sure it's my fear of failure that fed my perfectionism. I thought that if I held myself to incredibly high standards, and lived up to them, then no one would ever be disappointed with my efforts, or the results thereof. It was a way of having control of people's opinion of me. The thought of anyone disapproving of me when I tried to please them would drive me to a helplessness-fueled anxiety attack.
What I have discovered through the years is that sometimes, no matter how much effort I put forth, no matter how high I strive, I don't always get the desired outcome. That has been the source of much personal crisis. It took me a while to realize that by setting my standards so high, I was in fact setting myself up to fall and fall hard when the tide didn't turn my way. I would have to wade through the self doubt and beat myself up emotionally before realizing that I am not in control of everything that affects me, no matter how much I want that to be true.
My tendency still automatically bends toward perfectionism, and it is often a struggle to reign myself in. It is a real balancing act for me to let go and feel like I'm putting forth enough, and that the satisfactory results are fine. I feel like I'm channeling Al Franken's Stuart Smalley character on Saturday Night Live. His mantra was "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me."
Thank you, Mr. Wade for your list. Your insights have reminded me that it is OK to be a work in progress, and that no one is perfect...and to drive myself crazy in the pursuit of something unattainable is simply self destructive.
After all, the only things I can control are my own actions and thoughts. That realization is empowering.
