Zoned Out

At long last we had invited another couple over for dinner! We tend to get wrapped up in our daily grind and kind of forget to have friends or family over. It's just the way things have evolved in our life - especially now that we are both self-employed. By the end of a week - hell, by the end of a day - we are spent. Used up. Empty. Kaput! It is miraculous indeed if I can stay awake for the second half of any hour-long television program, regardless of how engrossed I am. Once I am not physically moving or immersed in my own thoughts, I am dead to the world! Basically, I am not the life of the party on any given weeknight...

But recently we were able to make plans for our friends, M and S to come to dinner at our casa...

Once upon a time in my desperate years, I used to have friends over every weekend and oftentimes during the week as well. Maybe it was my way of reaching out...Who knows? Back then I was adept as pulling together a great meal and getting the house company ready. It seemed effortless to me. If memory serves, I cared for even more children at that time and I know that my hours of operation were longer. How did I do it?

I'll chalk it up to being out of practice in recent years...

Anyway, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that the process of preparing for our guests made this past Saturday one of the best days I've had in recent memory. I worked the whole day at the various tasks involved with last-minute housekeeping and cooking to ensure that our guests would know with all their senses how welcome they were.

I delighted in every minute of the day. I felt in control, capable, nurturing and creative. I was in my element. What a delightful busyness I felt!

I was in the zone.

I worked diligently all day long. In addition to Saturday's activities, there were planning and preparation necessary earlier in the week which were crucial to the success of the entire operation. I loved it all! And a success it was! I received embarrassingly good reviews on everything from our guests and Scott. A lovely time was had by all! (I think I had the best time of all, but don't tell them!)

It feels fantastic to have passion in my life.

When I ponder the topic of passion, I can't help but wonder if I am spending the precious days of my life in the wrong pursuits. I begin to think that if my day job were that exhilarating, I doubt I'd feel as exhausted at the end of the day as I do now. I have no objection to hard work. I'd just like to have the opportunity to utilize my talents - limited and specialized as they may be - more often in my daily pursuits.

By the time we said, "Goodnight" to our friends I was feeling a completely different tired...a satisfied tired. I had seen, heard - and tasted - the fruits of my labors. It was very gratifying from beginning to end.

I often muse about finally figuring out what I want to be when I grow up. It's not that I dislike what I do for a living. I do derive satisfaction from it. The downside is that it leaves me with very little time or energy to pursue the things in my life that I am truly passionate about. The satisfaction would do so much toward improving my outlook on the quality of my life!

So many questions plague me when I board this train of thought: If there were a job that incorporated my passions, would they cease to be my passions? Or would I finally have the job of my dreams? Does anyone really live this kind of life where passion and work blend? How do I make my life work so I can get me some more time to spend pursuing that about which I am passionate?

Or am I longing for the impossible dream?