Regis, I'd Like To Use A Lifeline...

Fast forward seventeen years to the present.

Well, compared to those bleak days, my skies are now bright and sunny. I am married to my Sweetie, Scott, and I am not exaggerating when I say we grow to be a better couple who are more in tune and more in love every day. I've reconciled with my family, and we now have a relationship I can live with. I no longer feel abused by people who are close to me. I have finally blossomed into the me I was supposed to be. I've discovered when I'm not oppressed, I am creative and funny. When I'm not judged, I'm not painfully shy. And when I'm allowed to speak my mind, people listen with interest.

Some things about myself are innate, however, and have not changed even now that the personal relationships in my life are strong and loving. I've learned that my first instinct when I feel insecure or unsafe is to retreat and isolate myself. My initial reaction to those situations has not changed, even though my circumstances certainly have.

For instance, I still feel a bit off-kilter with regard to financial issues, which cause me considerable anxiety...We have had to make significant sacrifices since Scott has gone into business for himself. This double-self-employed life we lead is very rollercoastery, and anyone who knows me knows I prefer the predictability of a Ferris wheel.

I'm not sure if this is a scar from those battle-weary days, or if I just have a particularly low tolerance for stress, but I find that I'm feeling some of those old feelings of overwhelming anxiety creeping over me where money is concerned lately.

But there is a difference this time...

I have been involved with Entrecard lately, a networking program for bloggers. Whereas I used to be a solitary blogger, never bothering to find out who else was out there writing on the internet, the point of Entrecard is to visit other participating blogs, introducing your blog to others. My goal in this endeavor was initially to attract some interested readers to my blog, but there has been an unexpected bonus to me...I have discovered a handful of marvelous individuals who make me laugh, think, and most of all make me realize that I am not alone. These other bloggers write about their trials and tribulations and from them I am reminded that my problems are neither unique nor insurmountable. It is hard for me to imagine what some people go through with their (or their family's) health, or finances or relationships. Reading about how they cope inspires me to keep my issues in perspective.

Knowing that others lives are not "perfect" either keeps me from letting my anxieties get the best of me. Now I "get over myself" by thinking, "So who says you can have it all? Who doesn't have some source of stress in their life? Why do I think I deserve everything to be perfect? I should just count my blessings that things aren't as toxic as they were all those years ago, and realize that everything in life is a balancing act...right?"

In the near future I'm going to start another feature on Upside Down Cats introducing my readers to these blogs which bring me a healthy dose of reality. I want to thank all those inspirational bloggers who share their troubles - and joys - with me. You provide me with a vital lifeline!

I wish you many more of the joys - that's what we all deserve!